An excellent wife is the crown of her husband. But she who causes shame is rottenness to his bones. ~Proverbs 12:4
“Counsel Me,” says my husband. Words that I could take as words of unkindness, or sarcasm, but given my chosen career as a Counselor I’ve decided to take him seriously because I’m trying my best to be a good wife to him.
And so as I consider all the aspects of counseling, along with the many different people that I will counsel through the years. I see that my husband is a perfect starting point and that if I am to be successful to my ministry of being a good wife, this will include counseling him, but not in the way of making myself seem superior.
I strive to be excellent, perfect in all that I do. My studies cry out for that excellent grade, as does my mission and quest to be the best counselor that God can make of me. It is no mistake that this scripture popped out for me to see it, “an excellent wife is the crown of her husband.” So that I see a good wife or excellent wife adds the finishing touches to her man, his crown.
When I consider how much time it takes me to prepare myself before I present myself to the public, why would I want my husband going out to be any less prepared. I use the example of dress, but this will account for his mental, physical, spiritual and emotional state as well. If he is lacking in an area I am the one who is responsible for helping him reach a healthy level.
So today I decided that I will embark upon the task of honoring his request, “Counsel me! ” he says. I will.
Sometimes counseling begins with letting go of things that hurt, wrong doings can tear down and wear us down. I haven’t been a good wife in all aspects of our marriage. Haven’t honored my vows as well as I could, so today I started searching out an explanation of this scripture to help me better counsel my husband. It was then that I came across an article that caught my eye, “Signs of a verbally abusive husband.” As I began to read (not really thinking that I would find anything there), I see the word “criticism,” and my response, “Wow! It is there that the Lord spoke to me that I cannot begin to counsel him until he realizes that he is doing this to you. I want to tell you that I thought that this type of behavior was part of arguments, but as I think about it now, I see that it happens sometimes in just general conversation and ends with something like, “I was just playing” or “I didn’t mean it!” But I know in my heart that he means it! Inside the sting of his words have hurt me constantly!
I’ve been overlooking it and asking God to change him, but today God has given me the strength to present this piece of information to him and demand that it stop. We cannot move forward until he knows that his behavior is not what God wants.
You see a crown is an adornment, beautiful to behold. Would anyone want to wear a crown that is tarnished, and dull in appearance? That is what abuse does to us in any area. If the wife is suffering in an area that is the same as a gem missing, she has lost her luster to shine and is now damaged.
But she who causes shame is rottenness to his bones…
Being that God made the woman from the rib of the man this makes sense….look at this:
“So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and closed up the place with flesh.” (Genesis 2:21).
So we can see that when a man talks down to the woman, beats her, or doesn’t lift her up; instead she is torn down, disabled literally in her spirit. Her walk and the steps she takes should have luster and shine to reflect on her man…but instead she is an embarrassment…why? He hasn’t taken care of the bone of his bones so that in reality he has let himself down. WOW!!!
I wanted to share this with all of you male and female, married or not because this type of abuse according to the article is the first of many encounters, the last one ending in injury to someone. Being that we have been discussing domestic violence and bringing about awareness of this particular issue, I thought this word needs to get out as soon as possible.
So I started first by presenting the word to my husband and as I prayed for his spiritual ears to hear, I prayed that I presented the word with sound speech and without accusation. God was with me, and he heard me. We will continue the process with God helping us to wholeness.
Today: Let your light shine so that all men may know the truth of God’s word.
Let us pray: Father in the name of Jesus. We pray for every relationship married and unmarried. We pray God that you give a hedge of protection. We asked for wisdom of your word and God you have proved faithful once again. We ask that our ears be open to whatever is good and that we receive it with grace and humility. Take away all pride that will hinder our hearing and/or that will lead us to disobedience. If anyone is guilty of hurtful acts towards their mates then we ask that you increase in us as we start the task of presenting evidence of deeds done, so that they will hear your voice. Help us to let go of grudges that may bring about more pain. Give them the strength they need to make it work. We thank you God for revelation, now allow healing in all areas hidden from view. Show us how to live our life with love for you in all things, and we thank you God for we know that you hear us even now. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.